Bon ceremony

Hello, everyone.

Our temple held a Niibon ceremony on July 10th.

There're some followers who have lost a family member within the past year.

For them, this summer is the first Bon since their passing.

So we had a good opportunity to chant together in our main hall.

Thank you for coming.

I was happy to see you.

After chanting, I gave a sermon about "grief".

This way of thinking is based on a lecture held by Terumi Okaku, Director of Live-on.

You can check her website below.

When we have lost someone, some things, or something loved, we react mentally, physically, socially, spiritually, cognitively.

We suffer from the loss and it's difficult to accept the reality as it is sometimes.

We can even get lost in a deep darkness and can't find a way out.

Ms. Okaku says

"All these reactions are natural.

Even a negative one.

The loss isn't going away.

We will feel, think and remember about our loss occasionally throughout our whole life.

That's our life.

And it is beautiful."

I think when you forgive your negative thinking and see yourself clearly, you might be able to accept yourself and feel relieved.

"Also the reaction is different for each person and you can't compare it with someone else`s."

You might have some problems after loss.

Money, job, funeral, legal issues, needing to go to a hospital or taking care of kids etc.

It might be beyond your control and you might feel exhausted.

Sometimes people don't like asking for help.

You might think it's something for someone who is weak or childish or uncool.

But if you keep ignoring it, you will collapse and take longer to recover.

So it is good to ask for help when you need to take a rest.

Someone who can ask for help is stronger than someone who can`t.

There're resources available around you.

Nensokuji can be one of them as well.

You can join our temple's events and share your experiences.

What I've learned in her lecture:

1. Mental isolation will destroy your life.

2. You don't need to handle everything about your grief by yourself.

A person can't be a person without relationships with others.

We are social animals.

We feel happy or that there is a purpose in our life when you're with others.

Also when we share your happiness with someone, it'll be much greater.

If you share that you feel so sad that you can't do anything, your sadness might become lighter to bear.

I think that sharing will be a good opportunity for you to express yourself and has some power to be mindful of yourself.

In our temple's sharing sessions, we have some ground rules to make the sessions safe and comfortable like below.

1. We will speak about my story using " I " sentences.

2. We will listen to the end of the story.

3. We leave comparisons, evaluations and interpretations to the side for the moment.

4. If you don't want to share, you don`t need to. You can empathize with the others.

5. You can leave your chair and take a moment if you need.

6. We leave what we share here.

I hope that Nensokuji becomes one of your places to share something and your life becomes more enriched.